Those Damned Poor People

Recent articles and letters to the editor to my hometown newspaper has convinced me that Muslims and gays can move over - the new demon is here.  The poor.  The newspaper did an article on people who have been unemployed for a long time, most through no fault of their own.  Businesses either laid them off, or closed altogether, leaving them to depend on the rest of us to help them through this crisis.

But, according to the letters to the editor, these poor people were disgustingly addicted to cigarettes - I mean how dare they smoke when they are receiving welfare and unemployment?  They were also overweight - everyone knows the poor need to be gaunt, ashen from lack of nourishment and skeletal from deprivation.  There was one letter writer who could not believe that the poor people profiled in the article had clean and neat homes.  Surely, he opined, the newspaper reporter helped clean the place up to shine a better light on these slovenly poor.

But, the worst, was that these poor people had cell phones.  A blatant luxury.  Cell phones are only for the rich and well to do.  Even though the phones were provided by social services for cases of emergency, ability to respond to employment opportunities and the need to stay in contact with friends and family, the letter writers were convinced that such extravagances in this day and age are not to be abided.  It's not like even elementary school children have cell phones these days, the very idea that the poor think they have a right to communicate is abhorrent.

One fellow suggested that the poor fill the ranks of the juror pools, since allowing his employees time off to serve on juries put a crimp in his business.  And everyone knows that serving on a jury is a sign of moral weakness, depravity and general lack of the ability to buy an HDTV. So, why not let these moral degenerates who have the nerve to be poor serve as fodder for the criminal justice system.

One thing all of the letter writers had in common was their profession of being true conservatives.  True conservatives understand that Christ never meant what He said about serving the poor, the sick, the prisoners, and the downtrodden.  Rather, He meant that the lives of those less fortunate should be made miserable.  For until they are wretched beyond belief, how can any decent soul enjoy his well deserved good life.

Conservatives know that Christ was all about the comfort of those who are well off, not some community outreach to those who don't work as hard as the rich.  For the rich work 100 times the rest of us.  They toil 86 hours a day, 435 days a week, 7,215 weeks a year - except for the times when they are out golfing because that's where the deals are done.  I can't wait to meet my Maker and say that I joined the proud ranks of the Tea Partiers, the true conservatives, the righteously religious by scorning the poor, shunning those less fortunate and yielding all things to those who are rich.  After all that was what the Sermon on the Mount was all about.  To quote Mel Brooks, "It's good to be the king."